The C Word

Things I have been pondering …….

I realise many of you may have will have questions about your upcoming ceremonies whether they be Wedding Ceremonies, Naming Ceremonies or Vow Renewals especially in the light of the announcement on 23rd March. For some you will find the decisions are out of your hands and for others you’ll feel confused By the inconsistent advice and the decisions that need to be made.

Please try not to worry. It’s important to stay calm so that preparations and decisions can be made that are right, and safe, for you, your family and friends.

A lot of what is going on is out-with our control and this feeling of lack of control can really exacerbate anxiety.

Please note: The National Records of Scotland, at present are not accepting applications for any marriage schedules. Therefore marriage ceremonies cannot be performed. Keep an eye here for marriage schedule updates.

Take a breath, pause and plan.

http://www.lovemydress.net

Try using an acronym like BRAIN to help get things into perspective:

Benefits

Risks

Alternatives

Instinct

Nothing 

Get together with your partner, consult wider family members, friends and even guests if you like, write these headings down and start listing, brain storming, just get everything out there using:


What are the Benefits of carrying on as planned? To you, to others.

What are the Risks? Think of your guests, ages, travel, numbers of guests,  finances etc.

The Alternatives – talk to each other about all the available options.  Have you spoken to your service providers about potential alternative dates , if not do so. Making a Plan B (& even C) is probably wise and may put your mind at rest.

What is your Instinct, your gut feeling?  Tune in to it, trust it.

If you go through all of the above and just want to pause and change Nothing at the moment that’s fine too. 

You can wait and see what unfolds and revisit your list, notes and discussion at anytime. Maybe starting again, adding and subtracting aspects previously considered and newly discovered or advised by Government. Reflect and re-schedule if necessary. If you want to discuss options for a Plan B date let me know.

You have each other, that is the main thing right now. Remember why you are planning all of this in the first place – because of love and trust.

What if you have to, or decide to, postpone your ceremony?

There will be no charge to reschedule the date of your ceremony. I have plenty flexibility this year and next.  If I am not available then one of my Agnostic Scotland Life Celebrants colleagues may be. Pencil in a Plan B date as soon as possible.

Would you have to pay anything extra to change your date?

No, no extra charge to hold another date. Your deposit/fee would be transferred to the new date.

What if I, your Marriage Celebrant, become ill or have to cocoon at home at the time of your ceremony?

I have already discussed this with my Agnostic Scotland colleagues and we will endeavour to cover each other’s ceremonies in case of illness. Your back up Celebrant would have access to your final ceremony script and they would make contact with you to say hello and talk through anything with you prior to the ceremony. 

We know that currently, with the support of the Registrars, we can obtain emergency discretion for a change of Celebrant, as long as that celebrant is a member of a recognised belief body, if required. We will stay in touch with the National Records of Scotland for further advice in regard to the effect of the pandemic on marriage ceremonies for 2020.

Current Guidance

The National Records of Scotland, at present are not accepting applications for any marriage schedules. Therefore marriage ceremonies cannot be performed. Keep an eye here for marriage schedule updates.


For WHO advice re: social distancing and more click here and from NHS Scotland here

Whenever you hold your ceremony what if important guests can’t make it to your ceremony due to restrictions on numbers, travel restrictions or illness?

Have a cry – then get creative.

Film your ceremony

Live stream your ceremony

Use WhatsApp video call

Invite a Tribute/blessing from the guests who can’t make it 

Suggest your guests pre-record an audio or film piece to add to your ceremony or speeches

You could represent the person using symbolism – wear something of theirs or something that you feel represents/includes them

Portobello Beach

Other wedding suppliers

Talk to them. Ask about back up plan and discuss options. Communication is key. This can help get things in perspective, help feelings of helplessness and anxiety and also allow you to feel and connect with the support that is out there.

What you can do to support yourself and keep safe and healthy

Eat well, get plenty sleep, stay at home, wash your hands, access your usual exercise regime, get fresh air, minimise Social Media – wash your hands –  and ask for support and help. Talk things through with your nearest and dearest. Use BRAIN. Keep yourself informed with all the latest advice, health and otherwise, from Government. Reach out to others. 

Sara Shakeel

Am I keeping myself safe?

Yes, I am. I love hugs, kisses and shaking hands but am saving that for a later date. I’m washing my hands, staying at home, eating well, getting plenty of sleep and fresh air, washing my hands and leaning into my Celebrant community for support. I am keeping myself up to date with all the latest advice too from the Government and the Ceremony sector. It must be acknowledge that keeping myself safe may also mean my advice to you would be to postpone or go ahead but with only you two and immediate family members maintaining suitable distance. This is something I will discuss with each couple.

I am also acutely aware of the need to support other Celebrants and small businesses at this time as well as my local community, neighbours and friends.

http://www.theweddingcollective.co.uk

Reflect and reschedule if need be – don’t cancel LOVE
If you do decide to postpone let’s think of a way you can celebrate or mark your original date. Make an event, a ritual for just the two of you, make it positive and that way it will become part of your story, part of your ceremony and part of your wedding day.

Baba Ram Dass

We’ll get through this – together x

Craigmillar Castle

I walk through Craigmillar Castle Park regularly and I love it. The woodland paths and parkland around Craigmillar Castle are peaceful and magical with a quiet sense of the history and spirit that it is steeped in.

Craigmillar Castle

The castle itself, dating back to the early 14th century, sits radiant atop a rocky 9 metre precipice and retains the peaceful air of the rural retreat it was known as in 1560’s when Edinburgh nobility, and even Mary Queen of Scots, sought haven here.

Known as Edinburgh’s ‘other castle’ it is thought by some to be the best example of a medieval castle surviving in Scotland. The Preston family, and successive generations built, and then added onto, the Tower House until it was sold to Sir John Gilmour in the 17th century.

In this beautifully preserved, ruined stronghold we find an amalgam of architectural styles soaked in a long history.

I have visited this castle many times and my children have fond memories of exploring the many winding staircases leading to a variety of chambers and halls, clambering to the top of the tower, having birthday picnics in the grounds and running between the two yew trees that frame the entrance to the courtyard. It is thought that the trees were planted in honour of Mary, during one of her residencies.

From the top of the tower you can take in wonderful views of Edinburgh’s Old Town skyline, the Pentland Hills, the Firth of Forth and over to Fife. Also you can see the area that became known as Petite France (Little France) named by locals after Mary Queen of Scots’ mainly French entourage, who would camp half a mile away in the valley below the castle when she was in residence. The fact that locals gave the area this name may highlight how frequent and lengthy her visits were.

Directly across from Craigmillar Castle you can see it’s big cousin, Edinburgh Castle. I heard a lot of stories about the Scottish Queen as a child and I still like to imagine Mary, Queen of Scots and her courtiers travelling through the then rural landscape of fields, woods and parkland between the two castles on horseback, in carriages and on foot.

This site has such a rich history yet it is the least visited tourist site in Edinburgh. This does make me sad but I also recognise that when it comes to ceremony, this tranquil, unhurried space offers such wonderful potential to couples and families. Intimate ceremony and ritual can be created which embraces the calm, quiet mood while weaving the history of the castle and the story of the couple or family together.

The Great Hall

With permission very small ceremonies or elopements could take place anywhere in the grounds but The Great Hall can host a ceremony for around 60 people. It is a majestic, yet somewhat intimate space accessed via a spiral staircase.  The hall, in all its stone and vaulted ceiling glory, can be softened with a red carpet and candlelight but today, that wasn’t needed because what caught my attention was the quality of the luminous winter light that shone into the hall.

That soft, ambrosial light that winter brings to Scotland followed us throughout our visit today just as the friendly resident cat did.

We got our GROVE on

Last year my colleagues at Agnostic Scotland and I discussed an idea to support a project run by Trees for Life, a conservation charity dedicated to rewilding the Caledonian Forest which is a rich habitat found in the Scottish Highlands. So on Christmas Eve 2019 we bought a digital grove and began to donate trees. The Agnostic Scotland digital grove has now been populated with 60 trees. You can have a look here & learn about the native species that are planted on our behalf.

Loch Katrine

Our plan is that our grove will be planted in honour of the communities and the families whose ceremonies we, as Agnostic Scotland Celebrants, conduct.

As Agnostic Scotland celebrants we are privileged to support people as they navigate important transitions in their lives and planting trees in support of this wonderful rewilding project is such a perfect way to show our appreciation to all the remarkable individuals, families and communities we are lucky enough to encounter through in our work. It is also an opportunity to express our respect, gratitude and hope for the natural world that sustains us all.


Therefore, from now on when communities come together to collaborate and celebrate through ceremony and ritual I will plant a tree in support. Every time I have the honour of working with a couple who are getting married, exchanging vows or expressing their life commitment to one another I will plant a tree to celebrate their union. When blessingways and naming ceremonies welcome new babies I will plant a tree to celebrate their arrival. When families gather to celebrate the life of a loved one who has died I will plant a tree in their memory.

For those of you who I have connected with recently or am working with currently I have donated trees to thank and honour you. I feel quite a buzz thinking of your native Scottish tree happily growing into mature trees that will transform hillsides into young woodland, then mature into wild forests for future generations to enjoy.

‘the clearest way into the universe is through a forest wilderness’

John Muir

Ripe for Ritual

It felt very odd not switching the Christmas tree lights on this morning. I missed it. It’s a small ritual that I have carried out daily over the last three weeks or so – before the main ritual of making coffee.


We have all just moved through a period in the year that is riddled with repetitive actions. Whether based on religion or not, old or new, loved or despised, traditions and rituals underpin the festive period for many of us. A recent radio discussion inspired me to reflect a little on the need for us as humans, and as families, to create and have rituals. Think about all the things, events or actions in your family, your life, your group of friends and your community that are, or have become traditions. They may have developed organically or have been generated with a purpose in mind. For generations families and communities have created their own traditions & rituals. They have all got to start somewhere.


Over the last year the value of ritual and ceremony to serve a purpose has become rather prevalent in my life due to the various paths I am following and activities I have been undertaking. At a recent celebrant retreat we explored the skill of holding space for ancient ritual and traditional ceremony, but also the skill of collaborating and creating ceremony for any occasion. Life is ripe for opportunities for ritual.

So, what could be more suitable occasion for ceremony than the opening of a new yoga studio. Lane Yoga is a wonderful community focussed inclusive yoga studio based in Leith, Edinburgh created by Moira MacFarlane and Helen Gillespie.

Image by Agnes Pachacz

I was honoured to be asked to collaborate, write and choreograph a ceremony which was to be incorporated into a free community yoga class that was planned for the opening weekend. We decided to base the ceremony on the cardinal directions and create a ritual based on each of the elements associated with them.

The idea was that everyone present would be taken on a journey around the space. They would be introduced to the cardinal direction and it’s associated element with some words from me. They would then take a moment to ponder each element and support the positive intentions being conjured by the creation of the studio and the space with a thought, a merit or a blessing. Each cardinal direction was represented by an invited member of the Lane Yoga community. In turn they each performed a small ritual based on the elements associated with the direction accompanied by the beautiful sounds of a singing bowl.

We began in the East, where the sunrises and considered Air, the invisible element that can be lively or still. With this element, just as with a sunrise, we can find the dawn of new ideas or the light of new beginnings.

Moving South we explored the element of Fire. In this context we considered fire as a beacon of life, offering renewal, success and abundance.

Turning West we contemplated Water. Lane Yoga is next to the Water of Leith and close to the Firth of Forth. We were reminded of the stability and presence of the ever moving river and sea.

Finally to the North where we considered the solidity and generosity of the Earth element.

Image by Martha Gillespie

All the ritual elements were gently passed by the yogis to the Pūjā in the centre of the room. A Pūjā altar is a dedicated space where you can make an offering, show respect and set intentions.


The ceremony was rounded up by offering time to reflect on the collective message of support we were all offering Lane Yoga and encouragement to dedicate positive thoughts, love and merit to the space, to Moira and Helen, to everyone present and the wider community. We then flowed into a wonderful yoga practice followed by a gathering and refreshments.

Our little elemental ceremony had the ability to support everyone present to move away from their ordinary lives just for a few moments, just as a yoga practice can do, and bring their hearts and focus to themselves, the space and to the intentions of Helen, Moira and the Lane Yoga community.

Just like yoga, ritual can return you to what matters.


Language – is what we do more important than what we say?

If you’ve been following my blog you will know that I am a midwife and a celebrant. Writing this blog offers me the opportunity to express thoughts on parallels within the two roles and also allows a chance for me to explore my as it threads between the two.

In early 2018 the British Medical Journal published a blog which explored language used in maternity care. The authors put together an alternative language guide for midwives and medical staff and, of course, the media picked up on this with headlines in UK newspapers stating that midwives were “BANNED” (sic) from using certain terms because they could be disrespectful to women.
Well, as you know you can’t ban people from using certain words and language but you can inspire people to reflect on their communication and the words and language they use.
This discussion is not new to the maternity services. Midwifery language and communication has been researched and written about repeatedly. There is still one specific area we can’t quite agree on though – what we call the women we care for:

with kind permission: Instagram.com/paintedbyswang

Patients – could be disempowering, the majority of pregnant women are not sick but well and healthy, they just happen to be pregnant. Ladies – is thought of as patronising. Clients – more suited to hairdressers and therapists. I have even heard midwives call women ‘birds’, or sometimes just ‘Room 8’ or whatever room/bed number the midwife is assigned to.

Personally, I call a woman I care for by her name.

For me what is even more irksome is when midwives talk about ‘my lady’ or ‘my woman’. The woman doesn’t belong to anyone and this kind of language is paternalistic. How we frame things, how we say things influences how we practice, what we do and ultimately how we treat people.

Detail from The Great Tapestry of Scotland

I have noticed a similarity in the ceremony sector with celebrants, photographers and suppliers often talking about ‘my couple’. Even though this is very likely unconscious and well intended it is the kind of language that has the ability to disempower and can influence a relationship. The individuals that make up a couple don’t belong to anyone. No one owns the two people who, may function socially as a unit but, are individual autonomous adults and decision makers.

In our work and practice as celebrants we must promote working in partnership and recognise we are not owners but facilitators. Our language should regard and respect the current social norms, expectations and rights of the people we work with.

📷 Laura Kate Maclean


I know that in the past I have slipped into the negative terminology that dominates the culture I work in & failed to appreciate the impact my words have had, but after many years working with women, couples and families I feel I know I have made a shift and on the whole I am now mindful of the language I use. That shift came with self-awareness, reflection and a fundamental belief in respecting individuals, choice and equality.

Start reflecting on the language you use, the words you utter and type and make a shift if need be. It is not difficult to make the language we use about, and around, couples and families appropriate and respectful.

Changing the way we think can change our words and changing our words can change our way of thinking.

Dressing the Tree

Our apple tree

I’d like to share with you my script from our Agnostic Scotland launch ceremony which tells you a little about our apple tree, our Tree Dressing and more.

Hello everyone! It is so good to see you all here together in this wonderful space.

My name is Andrea Taylor and I, just like Onie and Linda, am thrilled to be a part of this new organisation and also very proud of what we have achieved so far,  specifically the seeds we have planted in regards to our Community Connection Gatherings and Community Fund.  Our commitment to nurturing human connection,  inspiring collaboration and consistently investing in the community is already thoroughly rooted.

We are honoured that you have all come together this evening to spend some of your time with us, to find out more about Agnostic Scotland and to meet and connect with others.  That step, that offering in itself, sends us a collective message of support and we thank you all so much for that.

Of course, as Celebrants, we felt it was very important to celebrate and mark this milestone through ceremony and ritual. To take a moment to recognise the potency of change and transition.

Linda introducing Agnostic Scotland

One of our intentions in holding this launch party, a ritual in itself,  is to create a demarcation, a line, between the past and the future, the old and the new and to cultivate a true course for Agnostic Scotland. 

Also, like many ceremonies, many rituals, this event is about holding a space to bring people together, to welcome you all, to create opportunity for everyone here to tap into commonalities which have the potential to unite and fortify, ourselves, our own communities and the wider community across Scotland.

Rituals can also offer a moment of reflection and time to consider someone or something that is meaningful to you and a time to tend your own wellbeing or send some positive thoughts to someone you love.

Therefore we would like to offer an opportunity for all of you to take part in a ritual this evening.

The chosen ritual is based on the long standing, rich tradition of fastening fabric and ribbons to trees that is widespread across the world. I have recently heard of this described as Tree Dressing. So this is what we have decided to call our version of this practice.

You may have heard about the ancient Scottish Clootie Tree, cloot is a Scots word for cloth, and also of the global practice of Prayer Trees or Wishing Trees.

Trees are wonderfully symbolic in their own right, representing long life and health, stability, shelter and security. Trees are a perfect example of how to live, grow, transition, change and even die with grace.

In Scotland, soaking a ‘cloot’ in spring water and tying onto a tree which was growing close to the revered well was associated with improving health and wellbeing of yourself and loved ones or often whole villages or clans.

In Canada there is reportedly an increase in Ribbon Trees appearing in remote areas placed by those who have historic ties to the land.

In Turkey and Cyprus people tie rags to low branches on ancient fig trees for good luck.

This evening, when our wee ceremony comes to an end, we invite you to do something similar to what many people have done before us over the years and are still doing across the globe.

For our ‘Agnostic Scotland Tree Dressing’ this evening we have brought,  from my garden in Portobello,  a tree that we felt was perfect for this ritual as apple trees are symbolic of nurturing energies. In Celtic mythology Apple trees are a symbol of good health, future happiness and of bringing a sense of wholeness, togetherness and connection with nature

•           this tree has been grown from a pip that had sprouted in an apple my husband, Alex, was eating one day around 10 years ago.

•           we also have some water collected from the North Sea (I swim in the sea regularly so collected the water that morning)

•           strips of natural fabric

Choose a piece of fabric and soak your fragment of cloth, or cloot, in the seawater and then hold the fabric close, take a moment to ponder and reflect, think of a word, a dedication. Send love, gratitude, a merit or positive thoughts to someone that is known to you, to yourself, the wider community,  the planet, to everyone here tonight …..

whatever inspires you  

Hold your ‘cloot’ close and take a moment to let that word, that thought, that feeling register in your mind and in your heart. When you are ready tie your soaked fabric to the tree.

The founders of Agnostic Scotland tying their ‘cloots’

At the end of the evening Alex and I will take our tree back to our garden in Portobello and one day soon we will plant it with all your wishes, blessings, hopes and aspirations attached.

The cloots/cloth will stay in place until the elements wear them away, the fabric will disintegrate dispersing your thoughts, your words into the air, into the universe.

Thank You

Dressed and back in Portobello

 

Agnostic Scotland Launch

Image courtesy of Marlene Lowe

Hello again ……. it’s been ages

Celebrant retreat on Loch Katrine

I have been so busy over the last few months continuing to work as a midwife, completing a Yoga Teacher Training, beginning to establish teaching yoga while undertaking further celebrancy training and building my Soulful Celebrant website and business.
What has also taken up a big share of my time, passion and love has been collaborating and creating Agnostic Scotland. A new not-for-profit belief body for Scotland.

My independent celebrant friends and colleagues, Onie Tibbitt and Linda Keys, and I became aware of the increasing interest in, and requests for, agnostic ceremonies. This then highlighted to us the lack of choice available to couples and families who wish to have ceremonies that are unique to them and their beliefs and values.

Linda and Onie
Tyninghame Beach

We launched Agnostic Scotland early November 2019 with an event in Edinburgh at a beautiful venue in Leith. Many friends, family and colleagues from the ceremony sector joined us to celebrate with a ceremony which included an introduction to Agnostic Scotland, a reading, a tree dressing ritual and a beautiful rendition of Hamish Henderson’s ‘Freedom Come All Ye’ and of course delicious refreshments. It was a wonderful evening. An opportunity for the three of us to draw a line between what has gone before and what is ahead and to begin to cultivate a true course for Agnostic Scotland.

For me this all feels so right. Just as my midwifery practice is underpinned by supporting choice, truly informed choice, for women and families, in my celebrancy practice I also feel strongly that families should be able to have choice and decide how to mark their own life transitions however big or small, traditional or unconventional, religious or secular.
Linda and Onie feel the same so we all got together and did something about it. We created Agnostic Scotland. Now there is an additional option for couples and families who wish to make space to celebrate, mourn, remember, declare love and use ritual to create their own ceremony.

Please browse the Agnostic Scotland website and our FAQ page to find out more about us and our ethos. Our plans for 2020 are already forming and taking shape with steering group formation and celebrant training on the agenda. You can read all about this and more on our blog.

Interested to know more about Agnosticism. Here is a recent article in The Herald inspired by Agnostic Scotland.